I think this is so fitting for this town I live in. It is all true.
1. First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Batt’n Roodge.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Baton Rouge has its own version of traffic rules… Hold on…..and pray.
3. All directions start with, “Get on I-10″…which has no beginning and no end. (well, it does, but no one here has ever been to either side)
4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic a “scenic drive.”
5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning.
6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will get rear-ended.
7. Hoo Shoo Too Road can only be pronounced by a native.
8. Construction on I-12 is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment.
9. All unfamiliar sights are explained by the phrase, “Oh, we are in Denham Springs!”
10. If you actually see someone with their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect (because you know all turn signals are merely a SUGGESTION, never required!).
11. All old ladies with blue hair in Cadillac’s have the right of way.
12. Lots of streets mysteriously change names as you cross intersections: (Sherwood Forest = Siegen = Burbank) (Old Hammond = Corporate)
(Choctaw = O’neal) (Bluebonnet = Coursey = George O’neal)
13. If asking directions downtown, you keep your window rolled up and write your questions on a piece of paper.
14. A trip across town will take a minimum of an hour.
15. Don’t carry money, jewelry, family, etc. on Plank Road.
16. The wrought iron on windows downtown isn’t ornamental.
17. If you leave one car length for every 10 MPH speed between you and the car in front of you, somebody will cut in.
18. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, “Keep honking. I’m reloading.”
19. For directions sake, you must know the difference between the “New” bridge (I-10) & the “Old” bridge (Hwy. 190), as also you should know the difference between the “New” mall (Mall of Louisiana) the “Old” mall (Cortana) and “Mall City” (Bon Marché…now Bon Carre)
20. Anyone trying to get within 5 miles of the LSU campus on the day of an LSU Football game either does not live in Baton Rouge or has lost their mind.